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Misogynist Black Men Who Claim Weaves Are Self Hate….Please Have a Seat!

Weaves Are Self Hate

No matter what choice we make for our hair, black women will never escape some form of criticism. If we choose to wear our hair natural it’s deemed as “unprofessional” in some spaces. If we wear relaxers we are called self-haters and if you wear weaves watch out! Some keyboard warriors have even coined women who wear weaves as “hair hats”, a term I have a big issue with, but I will get to this shortly.


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Firstly, yes, there are some women who feel insecure without wearing weaves, but in and of themselves they are not a form of self hate. Otherwise everyone woman who has worn makeup is a self hater,  or women who wear padded bras or spanx, the list could go on and on!

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Now back to the “hair hat” thing. I feel like every time I see this being used it is coming ironically from self-hating black people. Mainly misogynist angry black men who feel they have the right to police how all black women should wear their hair. Here is the problem with this:

xotica hair

  • They claim that black women are trying to be something they are not by wearing weave that looks European and when white women wear weaves it looks like their own texture. This totally ignores the rise of women like myself who love wearing kinky curly weaves that resemble their true texture.  Also are wearing braid or twist extensions self hating too, although this is clearly an embrace of our culture? And if I wanted to wear a straight weave, so what?
  • Often these people have no idea what is required to grow and maintain black hair. Being that a lot of this backlash is coming from black males, if they have never went through the phase of wearing long hair then they truly don’t have an understanding of the maintenance required.
  • Especially if they don’t have a tightly coiled kinky textured hair type, then they really have no idea what they are talking about and should kindly have a seat!!! I love to go a few months of just letting my hair be free, but the the truth is if I did that all the time my hair would simply break. Which is why I like to turn to protective styles like crochet braids to avoid this from happening.  My hair like many kinky textured ladies just cannot handle a lot of manipulation, the more it is styled, combed, or brushed the less hair I retain. If you care for your hair properly weaves can be an effective way to grow your hair and if you are clueless as to how this is possible, then you clearly should stop speaking on something you don’t know about.
  • Will you be taking the 2 or 3 hours to style my hair when I need it? That’s right didn’t think so. Weaves are a protective style that keep me looking together consistently when I don’t have the time or feel like making time to style my hair.
  • This also ignores that sometimes wearing weave is more about experimentation.Crochet Senegalese Twists
    I wanted to try blonde hair, but I didn’t want to dye my real hair blonde because of the risk of damage. Plus I actually love my natural color and don’t want to change it. Wearing a straight wig or weave can be a way of achieving this style without having to suffer the consequences of heat damage, but of course this is ignored.
  • And yes…sometimes it is worn to help boost confidence. Many women who are on the journey to transition to natural hair use wigs and weaves until they have grown their natural hair as well as gotten it to a healthy state. Then they move onto never wearing weaves or wearing them every once in a while.
    Image of woman with kinky textured hair
    Now if they were to just wear their hair as is, with two different textures (relaxed ends & natural roots) and looking unhealthy these same people would be the ones to clown on these women.
  • These same people are the ones who boost colorism and “good hair” standards, that do make some women who are insecure feel they are not beautiful without straight long hair. And natural hair to them is probably only acceptable if you have a certain hair type.
  • What about women who are forced to wear straight weaves or styles because of the industry they are in (ex: journalism, music, acting, modeling)?
    https://youtu.be/xa3ABnTZStE


    Unfortunately in some careers you have to conform and fake it until you make it to get where you want to be. Then when you have made it you have more choice in how you choose to express yourself.
  • Don’t claim to know why a woman is wearing weave. For a great majority of us, we just like it! It is an accessory like anything else that we obviously find stylish and many of us feel just as beautiful with our own hair.
  • Why is there this need for men to bash women who wear weaves? How is this affecting them exactly? I think it’s sad because it seems like we are the only race where our men come up with terms like “hair hats” to demean their women…really sad. I think this really shows who the real self haters are here.
  • Don’t like weaves? Well everyone is entitled to their preferences. Just don’t date women who wear them, it’s that simple.

girl bye


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Ladies, if anyone is giving you flack about wearing weaves, ignore it! You know best. If you know that you are relying one weaves to feel beautiful that’s one thing and you should work on addressing that. However, if that’s not the case, who cares? You have the right to present yourself the way you wish.

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Ariane (Editor-in-Chief)

I am Ariane, full-time curly crusader, wife and mom. On this website we offer natural hair products, FREE natural hair tips, style ideas and support. More about my hair journey can be found here.

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8 Comments

  1. I disagree with you on weaves. So does that make me a misogynist? Just to let you know am am a woman not a man. So you can’t say I’m ignorant on this topic.

    1. No, It doesn’t make you a misogynist. Doesn’t make a man a misogynist either if he doesn’t care for women who wear them. What I disagree with is people going out of their way trying to make women feel bad for their personal hair choices by saying they are self haters or “hair hats” or other demeaning comments. If you don’t like weaves don’t wear them and if you are man that doesn’t like it don’t date women who wear them, no one is forcing you to date these women.

  2. Miguel Akando says:

    Alright First off let me say that I’m 100% for black women wearing their natural hair Long or Short, Nappy, or loose curls it doesn’t Matter The black Woman’s Natural Hair is beautiful I have and will never bash their Natural Hair But I hate weave and Always will and I believe it is definitely a form of self hate I mean think about it if Not for slavery Would black women even want their hair to look Europeanized?? Remember after blacks were free in society the whole reason black women started perming their Hair was to fit in with the whites.. White Women used to make fun of black women hair all the time Keep that in mind Now you might argue the case that black women don’t get weave from white hair etc But the fact is it doesn’t matter where the hair comes from if its straight hair.. Black women don’t naturally have straight hair unless mixed.. which we all are but I’m sure you understand what I mean Regardless the straight hair is Not black hair Black ppl nappy coarse hair is designed specifically to protect them from UV rays Its the melanin in their bodies that gives them nappy hair its an Evolutionary Advantage whereas straight hair is an evolutionary disadvantage Also I realize that black women also buy African type styles However I still don’t like it 1 its a lie I’m attracted to long hair yes but why would I want a women with fake long hair? Just like I like a women with a nice body but why would I want a women who got plastic surgery just to get it?? There’s nothing attractive about anything that’s fake Who wants something that’s fake when you can have authentic? Another reason I’m against it is y’all say “well we need these styles so that we can protect our hair so it doesn’t fall out” Have you ever stopped to think that its Not Natural for large amounts of hair to fall out? Have you ever thought that maybe if you do something to your hair and it falls out then that means you shouldn’t be doing it to your hair in the first place? Ex. Black women perming her hair straight, it falls out Your hair isn’t designed to be manipulated like that so Of course its gonna fall out It Maybe you should search for different ways of styling? Better diet, less chemicals idk just a thought.. But lastly I don’t like weave Bc its Not your real hair Appreciate, Love your real hair its Your hair Embrace it I’ve met multiple girls that came out and said they wear weave Bc they have bad hair This is a Lie there’s No such thing as Good or Bad hair This is something programmed into us by Slave Owners and if anything Like I said earlier Nappy Hair is an Evolutionary advantage so black hair would be considered good hair anyway Look I love black women I’m Hispanic btw But I’m mixed with African I never had Nappy hair its always been straight or Loose Curls and I take good care of my hair it takes almost an hour to do it and its pretty long so I know the struggle of real hair But in my opinion its worth it I love my hair I’m Not against black women at all Black Women are goddess But I’m completely against weave So I just don’t date women who wear it and never will but regardless of my opinion I hope more black woman start wearing their natural hair All the time and give up weaves

    1. lovenatural says:

      As a black women who prefers natural hair I agree completely. Its the lie black women tell themselves since the successful brainwashing of slavery. Weave is a form of self hate no matter how much you lie to yourselves. If it wasn’t for slavery, the dehumanization of Black people, the self hatred of Blackness and the obsession over whiteness (and anything close to it) we would never be wearing straight weaves and wigs.
      I have already given up on my sisters. They are too deep in the obsession and worship of white people and deep down you all know it, cause you all make article after article, blog posts, forum poet convincing others and the world that it’s not self hate, that “its just a preference, it protects my hair, easier to manage.

      Black people (not just women, men too) are still the successful product of slavery and unless we address this, we will still be the #1 race throwing money at asian men to buy $500 of weave to glue and sew to your scalps while the world STILL thinks we look crazy obsessed over white women.

      It’s just like colorism, we never wanna face the problem, we lie so much to convince ourselves otherwise.
      Black people are indeed lost. It’s depressing we still worship the ones who enslaved us and brainwashed us.

      1. But what about extensions that resemble Afro textured hair? Or braid extensions (which is something we were doing long before slavery)?

  3. Trust me, no REAL MAN is wanting to be with you or your several FAKE HAIR HATS. You were dismissed by REAL MEN once they saw that FAKE HAIR HAT on your head. You need to learn how to love yourself first and everything God gave you and learn how to appreciate that instead of getting mad that REAL MEN DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU FAKE HAIR HAT. You are one immature BLACK GIRL. You are not a WOMAN by any stretch of the imagination.

    1. Real men have better things to do with their time beside trolling natural hair blogs to worry about the hair choices of women he does not know. I don’t care that “real men” don’t want me, I am married. You clearly don’t read either. The article states if you don’t like women with weave then don’t date them. Take the article’s advice. Oh and stop being so angry life is too short :-).

      1. Seantrell Smith says:

        Preach sister… Preach. I was just talking about this after someone on IG posted a pic 5 beautiful black women and 3 had protective styles and here go so called conscious black men talking about their hair. I think men who consume their days trolling pages are low key gay. What straight man worries about hair so much. And how do you tell a complete stranger how they feel about themselves? they’ve got too much time on hands.

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